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Trump Demands Famous Dead Lawyer Represent Him, Found Rocking Back And Forth Under Desk In Oval Office

Crime, Donald Trump, Mueller, News

Donald Trump seems to have a problem with the passage of time, and not just in the sense that he’s stuck in the Mad Men-era 1960’s when bosses were all men and they dictated the length of skirts.


No, Trump pines for the past in the way an aging actor might — desperate to hang on to relevancy, to the vigor of their youth. And along with that tendency to romanticize the past and get lost in nostalgia for a time when you could deny housing to black people just because they were black and nobody questioned you comes an Alzheimer’s-like wistfulness for things that are gone, places that have been bulldozed, and people that are long dead.

Nobody can forget Black History Month in 2017, when Trump singled out famous escaped slave and philosopher Frederick Douglass for the “amazing job” he was doing:

“Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job that is being recognized more and more, I notice.”

But it seems that finding out he was 122 years late to the party on the “amazing” Douglass hasn’t stopped Trump for mistaking dead people for live ones.

At least, that’s the conclusion CNN came to in a new piece from Saturday by Paul Callan. In it, the reporter makes clear that there’s only one person that Trump could possibly be looking for to lead his struggling and transitory legal team, and it poses the unique problem of the man having died 32 years ago.

Roy Cohn was chief counsel for Senator Joseph McCarthy — yes, that McCarthy — during the “red scare” of the 1950’s. But he was also somewhat of a mentor to Trump himself, with the real estate tycoon even keeping a glossy 8 x 10 of the rabid dog lawyer in his desk drawer to intimidate clients and business partners with, according to a report from the New York Times.

And yes, it’s an opinion piece from CNN that suggest Trump’s preference for maybe a lawyer like Roy Cohn, whose “scorched-earth” tactics earned him a reputation like the one we’re sure Trump envies — better to be feared than loved, after all, though Trump would like both — but consider the fact that Trump actually said it out loud only a year ago this month, after Attorney General Jeff Sessions recused himself from all things pertaining to the Russia investigation, thereby paving the way for the appointment of the special counsel:

“Where’s my Roy Cohn?”

He’s, uh, dead sir. It can’t be too much longer before this looks like a real scene from the Oval Office:


Featured image via Kevin Dietsch/Pool/Getty Images